You’re pronouncing it wrong. The ‘ke’ is a hard A sound. ‘KAY-bobs.’ Or ‘K-bobs’. At least, that’s how my mom’s always said it. 1
This is the first time I’ve made kebabs. Seriously. I’m thirty years old, and even though I’ve known they existed, and remember eating them as a kid, and saw them on the menu of the middle eastern restaurant even as I ordered gyros or shawarma or kibbeh, I had never actually thought ‘K-bobs!’ when the question of what to make for dinner came up.
What a square, right?
So I did it! And they were great! And… there’s really not that much to it. You put stuff on a stick. You grill it or broil it. You eat it.
One thing I did that might be kind of weird is how I arranged the pan. You see, I didn’t grill these babies, because I don’t have a grill, and anyways charcoal takes a while to get going and it’s fun as hell but it isn’t really quick and easy. So I broiled these kebabs, only I didn’t want them sitting in their own juices in the pan, and I didn’t want to have to clean a wire rack, so here’s what I did: I rolled a piece of foil and laid it down the middle of the pan to support one end of the skewers, then I alternated the side of the pan I laid the skewers on. That held them up over the pan so they weren’t stewing. I know I’m not describing that real well. A picture is worth a thousand words, I guess.
I shouldn’t have to explain how kebabs kick so many asses, but I will, because sometimes you just need to let it all out, you know? Really TALK about kebabs. Really take a look at them. Take a deep, telling look.
‘Well, dude, I’m really whatever you want me to be, you know? You can kind of throw whatever s*** you want on stick and grill it and call it me, right? So, I’m like, like, a mirror, a reflection of whatever dudeness is actually YOU, right?’
That’s deep, Kebab.
‘So vegetarian stuff and meat, there’s like a whole universe of me to experience, dude. If you were, I dunno, an Italian, or liked Italian food or whatever, you could do meatballs and that eggplant stuff and tomatoes and like dip it in tomato sauce or something, or if you were all traditional Shish you would do like lamb or beef all cubed up with maybe like peppers and onions, or whatever. Or like if you really wanted to get weird I could be little meatballs and little potatoes and brussels sprouts because they’re kind of like little cabbages and get like lingonberry jam sauce, Swedish chicks would be all over that. Swedish chicks are hot.’
I used chicken thighs, bell peppers, onions, and zucchini, and made a peanut sauce.
‘That’s pretty square, dude.’
I know, Kebab.
‘Still pretty good.’
It was. Or… you were, I suppose.
‘I know, right? You know what really rocks is that whatever the hell you use, I’m like, ready to roll right then. You just chop s*** up and stick it on a skewer and put it under a broiler and I’m all like LET’S GO! I’ve got life to live and things to dig, and I know you ain’t got time for being all up to your elbows in chopping and stewing and frying and… braising, I guess… whatever it is you kitchen nurds are doing all the time. I mean, I know you like food, dude, but… get out sometimes, you know? You could use some sun.’
It is my shame, Kebab.
‘It’s cool, man, you’re okay, just… live a little, right? Get away from the laptop and out of the kitchen and go do something, dude, take your chick out, right? She’s hot.’
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE, KEBAB.
-Josh is listening to The New York Dolls
- a dozen 10" bamboo skewers
- 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs
- 3 bell peppers
- 1 medium zucchini
- 1 onion
- 3 Tbsp water
- 2 Tbsp peanut butter
- 1 Tbsp + 1 tsp soy sauce
- 1 tsp molasses
- 1/2 tsp Sriracha
- 1/4 tsp black pepper
- 1/8 tsp garlic powder
- 1/8 tsp sesame oil
- fresh lime wedges
- Set the oven rack up close to the broiler and preheat the broiler to HIGH.
- Cut the vegetables into about 1 1/2-inch chunks, then do the same for the chicken thighs.
- Thread the skewers with alternating chunks of vegetables, chicken, and slices of onion.
- Line a roasting pan or cookie sheet with foil. Roll and crumple another length of foil and lay it lengthwise down the middle of the pan so that it can support one side of the skewers, so they won't be sitting in their own juices.
- Arrange the skewers in the pan so that one end is supported by the pan edge and the other end by the middle roll of foil.
- Broil ten minutes, then turn the skewers and broil another ten minutes. Remove from oven and let rest five minutes.
- Meanwhile, mix the sauce ingredients and cut the lime into wedges. When the skewers have cooled, squeeze the lime wedges over them and serve with the peanut sauce.
- Look for bamboo skewers in the kitchen equipment area of the grocery store, where they have wooden spoons and spatulas and such.
- The peanut butter should ideally only include peanuts and salt as ingredients.
- Sorry, Mom. : ) ↩